Why Humility is the Most Elusive Servant Leadership Trait (And Why That’s Okay)

Humility. It’s like the kale of servant leadership traits. Everyone agrees it’s good for you, some people pretend it comes naturally, and yet most of us cringe a little inside when we try to add it into our daily routine. Sure, empathy and emotional intelligence sound challenging too, but they at least feel achievable with a bit of practice and self-awareness. Humility, on the other hand? Well, that’s the Everest of traits to conquer, and boy, does it require some heavy lifting.

Why Is Humility Such a Tough Nut to Crack?

The problem with humility is that it often stands in direct opposition to a truth we all know but rarely admit out loud—we’ve spent years working hard, achieving success, and becoming really, really good at what we do. And the more experienced we become, the harder it is to remain genuinely humble.

The American Academy of Family Physicians sheds some light on this phenomenon. They point out that success often breeds self-confidence, which is great! But self-confidence has a sneaky way of tiptoeing into arrogance’s backyard. And, spoiler alert, arrogance and servant leadership don’t exactly get along. It’s like trying to blend oil and water… impossible, messy, and slightly disastrous for everyone involved.

When you’re used to being the expert in the room or the decision-making powerhouse, it’s no small feat to stop and think, Wait, maybe I don’t know everything… what does my team think about this? After all, humility doesn’t just ask you to accept that other people’s ideas are valuable. It asks you to actively value them over your own brilliance now and then. That’s the kicker.

Why It’s Worth the Effort

Even though humility might feel about as appealing as eating a plain celery stick, it’s also what makes servant leadership, well, work. Without humility, leaders can easily fall into the trap of making decisions that serve their egos instead of their teams. No judgment—we’ve all been there. But humility is like the magic ingredient that transforms leadership from “me-focused” to “we-focused.”

It allows you to genuinely listen to and learn from others without immediately planning your rebuttal in the back of your mind. It helps you celebrate your team’s successes over your own, which builds morale and trust. Plus, it reminds everyone that mistakes (yes, even yours) are just opportunities for growth rather than career-ending disasters. And ultimately, humility ensures that decisions are made for the collective good rather than personal gain.

Think of humility as the unsung hero of leadership strategies. It doesn’t demand attention, but it quietly makes everything better.

Practical Tips for Leaders Working on Their Humility Game

Luckily, cultivating humility isn’t about slapping a "Team Player" sticker on your laptop and calling it a day. It takes conscious effort but also brings a sense of purpose when done right. If you’re up for the challenge, here are a few tangible ways to get started:

1. Listen More Than You Speak  

   We’ve all met That Guy in meetings who loves the sound of his own voice. Don’t be That Guy. Actively listen to your team and genuinely consider their input. Pro tip: fight the urge to interject with “Well, in my experience…,” at least every now and then.

2. Ask for Feedback  

   This one is tough, especially if you’re secretly bracing yourself for bad news, but asking your team for honest feedback shows you value their opinions. Accept criticism gracefully and use it to grow (read: don’t hold grudges).

3. Own Your Mistakes  

   Nobody’s perfect—even if your résumé suggests otherwise. Admit when you’re wrong, apologize, and show your team that making mistakes is part of the process.

4. Celebrate Others  

   Instead of basking in your own glory, shine the spotlight on your team. Recognize their hard work, shout their achievements from the metaphorical rooftops, and share the credit often.

5. Get Comfortable with Serving  

   Servant leadership means leading by example, and sometimes that means rolling up your sleeves to do the not-so-glamorous tasks. Whether it’s staying late to help meet a deadline or brewing the team’s coffee during a chaotic morning, small acts of service go a long way.

6. Learn to Laugh at Yourself  

   Because, quite frankly, humility without a sense of humor is just painful. We all have our quirks and embarrassing moments; own them and laugh about them.

But Wait, There’s More

While humility often takes the cake as the trickiest servant leadership trait to master, it’s closely followed by other challenges like balancing integrity, emotional intelligence, and self-care. For example, Scott Mautz notes that servant leaders sometimes overdo compassion, leading to “compassion fatigue.” After all, how can you effectively pour into your team if your own energy tank is bone dry?

The key to servant leadership isn’t being perfect. It’s about striving for balance, prioritizing others, and leading with authenticity—even if that means you’re a little clumsy at it sometimes.

Closing Thoughts (And Encouragement!)

Humility might be hard, but it’s worth every ounce of effort. It’s the glue that holds servant leadership together, ensuring that teams thrive, trust is built, and results are collaborative, not competitive. Even if it doesn’t come naturally at first, a few conscious steps can help you grow into a more humble, inspiring leader. And hey, if you can laugh at yourself along the way, you’re already halfway there.